We recently came back from a family Christmas party. For this we travel to my FIL’s home and celebrated Christmas with my husband’s side of the family. It involves many happy moments, and also not so happy moments. Overall it’s always a fun, stressful event.
When His Neurodivergent Signs Are More Obvious
This year it’s becoming more obvious my son is different. Even more so when his little sister is neurotypical. I have to remind myself all I can do is let him be. If he’s happy, and not hurting anyone I should just let him be. Baby Hulk medically is considered low support, or high functioning autistic. When he was younger (toddler age) he didn’t quite socialize with his cousins of similar age. He was more of a parallel play child. While all the children were playing with each other he was not to far from them playing with other things by himself.
Now his autistic signs are becoming obvious. He still likes to play mostly alone. He’s very quiet, and speech is very minimally exchanged from him. Sometimes his speech is bit of a wild card. He uses what is considered big words for his age group. For example instead of angry he says “frustrated”, instead of pretty he uses “beautiful”, and etc.
How he plays is different. I would say upon close observation it seems obsessive, & repetitive. His special interests, Melt/Shut downs, his speech delay, & stimming are now at point where people are probably thinking to themselves “Oh that’s different.”
Insecurities As A Neurotypical Parent
When I see my son having trouble socializing it’s a little hard to watch. I know in this instance since it’s family they are more forgiving. I know his speech delay is one of the reasons why socially he is behind in his age group.
At the party when I see adults try to talk to him I wish I could ask them to be more patience. He takes longer than most kids, and uses much shorter sentences than most kids in his age group. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand. He understands more than you know, and is incredibly intelligent.
Then when I see other kids just being kids by taking things from him it sucks because he’s still trying to learn how to speak for himself. His echolalia sometimes come out, or he starts stammering his words. It’s best for him to let him try to deal with things himself. In situations like this if my son, and I have a little privacy I do coach him, and tell him appropriate ways to react. Then if he is afraid to do anything I suggest I always say ” It’s ok, maybe you can try another time, try to do other things you like.”
I know it’s because most of my husband’s family doesn’t know he’s autistic. It’s not something we discuss casually with anyone. Sometimes I wonder if it’s more harm than good if we don’t tell people initially he is autistic. It’s not a secret, it’s just not something we tell people openly.
In The End, It Was Good
Aside from my own insecurities of observing my son from afar, there were many happy moments for him. This year the idea of Santa really has made him excited. He was never excited these past few years so just to see him face light up was amazing. Even my husband was shocked. One of his relatives who dressed as Santa always pass out gifts to the children at this party. In the past, my son would just go over and grab his gift without the excitement. Seeing his little happy stims, and smile almost made me cry.
As a Neurotypical Parent I sometimes feel a little guilty for being excited if I see Baby Hulk acting more neurotypical. I don’t like comparing my children but in situations like this it makes me relieved. Part of it is hoping my children have a decent to good sibling relationship. Little Princess is 2, and I can already tell she is ahead in terms of social milestones when she was his age. When Baby Hulk starts to hit those neurotypical milestones means their sibling bond will be easier because of shared experiences.
At least that’s what I hope right?
